JOB

Bismillah.

Long time since my last post. Indeed.

One of the factor is, I don’t have wifi at home, thus I have to be SUPER CAREFUL with my mobile data. Huhu..

Well, Asasi has been a history, around two months already. So now, what did I do during this quite long holiday?

I work at a pharmacy.

“oh wow! It’s great!”

“at least you got a source to spend without your parents’ penny”

That are some of the responses that I’ve got. And guess what? Working at the pharmacy is not exhilarating at all.

And why?

1.     1.  I have a terrible memory.

This is a serious talk man. Since foundation, (as I remember) it getting worse. I tried to recover by reduce my consumption on junk food (but I’m not the fan of junk food?), struggle harder in repeating my hafazan, and try to add some more.

I do try my best to make maths exercises and revision in the morning too. But..blergh..as the time goes by, I didn’t improve a lot either.

2.      2. Medicine and pharmaceutical things never be my favourites.

This is actually my very first mistake. I pick up a job that is absolutely not my stuff. So then, eventhough I tried my best (haven’t try my very best yet),things just getting annoy. It is suffocating when I forgot the name and location of that medicine and ya know what? I’ve just stare, take a very deep attention, memorizing its name and function just a second ago! And unfortunately, I just realise this today =,=

After almost a month working there babe!!

3.     3.  I do have low self-esteem sometimes.

Especially in this case, where I’m a noob and there’s tons of knowledge that I don’t know. How and when to take the pills? How does this supplement works? Does this give effect to pregnant woman or not? I have a cough and pleghm, what medicine should I take?

This tons of questions really crushed my confidence =,=

Much more regretful, I can’t even recall the functions of those vitamins that we learnt at secondary school. As a biology student, it is a real shame on me..=,=’

Not to forget, promoting supplements to the customers, which one is good, which one is cheaper, which one will give them more profit and benefits, yet again, the most shameful one is when I forgot where on the earth does that little thing that she/he want? Oo God please help meeee!

That is the only dialogue I could think on that moment=,=

4.       4.Less time with my family

This is the worst part ever. In a week, there’s five working days, and two off days. Only one day that will have more time at home. The other four days, from 9.30 a.m, until bloody 10 p.m I’ll be very loyal to stay at work. And it is not good. As every night, when I’m home, everyone is tired already, my brother will go to sleep, ummi too, sometimes, it is me who’ll go to the dream world first.

The most regretful part is when my brother (nain, 14,he studies at boarding school), when he got home at weekend, and I was not there to pat him or at least slap his back hard. Not even on the day he got to get back to school. T.T

Helping ummi with everyday routine is getting harder too T.T As I am tired at night, and will continue to sleep before going to work, then, my usual house chores task had become ummi’s again. And to think about it, make me feel guilty..

5.    5.   No more time for my bae T.T

Who is actually my bae? Muahaha..

It is my books. I’m currently reading “ma dza ya’ni” = what is the meaning of being a muslim. And I haven’t moved to the next chapter yet T.T. This is just the worst part in my reading history! Huhuhuhuhu….

Other than books, it is my hobby too. Drawing. I’m planning to draw a short comic, yet I don’t have any thought about topic that I should focus on nor having any time to at least drawing even a character.

Actually, I have lots more reason of why I am not happy working at the pharmacy, but I think, this is what I should share about my short experiences.

I might quit in the beginning of August since I need to prepare for degree course registration later on. Of course, to appreciate my little time left at home before flying back to Sarawak.

My last advice, you better take a deep thinking before you decide to take a job. Even as a part time worker. Do things that will make you happy and not being a burden even it takes lots of your time.

However, I am glad that I decided to work there as it gives me lots of experiences and knowledge .

FUTURE

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.


Future,
It could be bright,
Beautiful,
Butterflies overwhelm the garden,
Flowers blossom colourfully,
The path might be clear, 
It might be smooth,
The glory of the sun,
Might shine the earth with happiness,

Yet, it could also be dark,
Gloomy, 
Not even a single creature appear,
Not even a glimpse of light,
You might be alone,
In a dark path,
Where there is no on there,

Anything could be.

Nothing is guaranteed.

That's the point,
To be brave,
To face the x (read:unknown),
It might be bright,
Or dark,
Or even both.

Whether to be one of the bright,
Or to be the one,
Who shine the dark,
It is us to decide.

Don't be afraid of the future,
Don't be afraid of saying goodbye,
Don't be afraid to be left,
Don't be afraid to leave,
Because we should believe,
Being apart today,
It doesn't mean that,
We'll apart forever.

We'll meet again.
Yes. We will.
In His Great Heaven.
In shaa Allah.

Spread the love while you still have the chance to do it.
Never regret your choice to love or accept the love.

I love you.

-Z!!-HaN-
 

ALL OF YOU

Bismillah.

Tadi, ku berpatah balik ke belakang.
Sekejap cuma, sekadar ingin mengimbas memori.
Mencari semula inspirasi yang hilang.

Tidak. Tidak hilang sebenarnya.
Cuma aku yang kian lupa.Cuma aku.

Hati tersentuh saat mengenang detik lalu,
Betapa aku sudah terlupa rasa itu,
Rasa penat kerana kesungguhan yang padu.

Sungguh malu,
Bagaimana bisa aku melupakannya,
Sedangkan usaha itu,
Tonggak kehidupan seorang manusia.

Bukanlah maksudku usaha itu segalanya,
Tapi,
Takdir siapa yang akan Tuhan ubah,
Jika dia tidak mahu berusaha?

Ku berjanji untuk menyebarkan inspirasi,
Maka harus ku kembali,
Menjadi diri yang sendiri,

Tendang si malas itu jauh-jauh!
Libas si nafsu itu dengan kencang!
Tampar diri sendiri selajunya!

Sudah lupakah aku pada matlamatku yang satu?
Hidup ini hanya demi rahmat Tuhanku?

Rindu Nazahah. Baca blog dia sebentar tadi, teringat kisah-kisahnya berjuang untuk teruskan kehidupan. Teringat betapa dia marah bila aku malas, betapa dia bersungguh menyalinkan kerja sekolah bila aku tak sempat masuk ke kelas, betapa sabar dia melayan aku belajar add maths, betapa senang hati dia melihat aku senyum, betapa terobek hatinya mendengar tangisanku, betapa kasihannya padaku bila melihatku sibuk, betapa penyayangnya dia mengejutkan aku yang selalu tersengguk di dalam kelas.. betapa banyaknya kasihnya padaku. Tak termampu untuk aku senaraikan.

 Hatta dengan melihat kasut pun boleh membuatkanku mengenangkannya, hatta dengan mencelikkan mata pun mampu membuatku mengingatinya.

Betapa tewasnya aku dengan kasih sayangmu sahabat. Kau sentiasa mengalah denganku saat kau masih di sisi, tapi hakikatnya, pemenang sebenar itu kau. 

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out

When I was so lazy, I remember how you nagging at me but never scold me, yet very patient of handling my bad attitude.

You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

I think this was what I've done to you. hehe.. You might be tired of me sometimes, yet because of your beatiful love, you were patient and stay calm.

[Pre-Chorus:]
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

I'm sorry for being so bad to you, I'm sorry for always make you worry about me, I'm sorry for making you upset, I'm sorry that I couldn't hold my tears..

[Chorus:]
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections

You were always understanding me, listen to my nonsense thought, laugh for my idiot jokes, share the pains that I hold.. You love me more than I could ever imagine.

Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning

 You were willing to sacrifice, to be tired, to be there for me, always.. You never hide anything from me, except.. your pain, tears, and suffer..

Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh

Indeed. You always be the winner. How could I beat your love?

[Verse 2:]
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too

Nope. You always to hate my tears. You told me that I am ugly when I'm crying. And as usual, you always right.

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse

Yes. You are always there. Even now, you are always here, deep close to me, in my heart.

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

I couldn't hold my laugh (and tears) when the times of you pretend to be angry with me appear in my mind. How easy I made you change your character- sometimes a cute girl, another second an angry mother, another time- a shoulder to lend.

I love you. Nazahah.

GROWN UP

 Bismillah.

The urge to write and express my thoughts and feelings come again after a long time. Thanks to Jaulah to Sabah gangs who shared their blogs and coaxing me to write too, I've found back this old scent. Scent of writing overwhelming my world same goes to my drawing mood too.

When I'm typing now, yeah, I sensed a kind of nostalgic feeling, typing for two hours, thinking what I'll share in my blog when I got back from hostel. hahaha.. I missed those feelings.

Nothing significant to share though for today.

It's just there's several incidents that occur during the Jaulah in past week and things that occur in this week made me curious and anxious in the same time.

Oh yeah, yesterday I updated this blog with Jaulah's story (lah sangat), however before I could successfully updated it here, I've read through my past posts from the latest one (not really latest though) until my very first post.

*ma shaa Allah istighfar panjang bila baca posts yang lama-lama tuuuu

hahaha.. Then, I read my friends blogs too and when I read Aula's blog, I realized something. When I make a comparison between my older posts with the latest one, I nodded and understand something.

oo.. I've already grown up. How come I never realize this thing. hehehe.. Anyone who've been growing up with me, or at least reading all the posts in this blog will know how much I've changed (I just realized it yesterday you know. hahaha).

There's nothing bad about making a change. Especially a change towards a better path and attitude. I always heard people say,

"Jadi ja diri sendiri, pedulik apa orang lain nak mengata"

However, if our real-self is a bad one, full of envy, anger, hates, and a lot of bad manners, why don't we make a change? We don't have to be an angel dramatically because how could a mere creature like us be perfect? So then, learn slowly and try it slowly. Be consistent and when you start to make a turning point towards the straight path, this is the right time for you to apply this quote,

"Pedulik apa orang nak mengata! aku yang nak jadi baik!"

and proceed with your struggles.

We've grown up and we could never go back to the past when we're still innocent kids. Again, we've grown up.

KENANGAN TERINDAH

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Lama sangat dah tak menulis. Terdorong sekali untuk update di blog lepas penat gelak macam nak pecah perut lepas baca blog geng2 Jaulah ke Sabah. Boleh pi usha sendiri (sini / sini lagi / sini jugak /sini jugak / sini pun sama )

Aku tak de nak cerita panjang lebar sangat Cuma aku nak share kebahagiaan dan kesyukuran yang aku dapat dengan kalian semua.

Serius ni, aku memang dah lama gila nak pergi melawat Sabah. Satu je sebabnya, satu Malaysia aku dah pernah jalan kecuali Sabah. Betapa aku memang semangat nak melawat Sabah sampai aku siap plan nak kerja kat Sabah lepas habis belajar nanti tak peduli la aku ambil course apa pun nanti. Hehe..

Alhamdulillah , impian aku Allah makbulkan bila ada kawan Sabah yang ajak jaulah ke Sabah memandangkan tiket Rayyani Air murah. Aku mula-mula serius sikit pun tak percaya, tapi lepas kawan aku yang lain meyakinkan aku, maka aku pun bersemangat terus telefon abah.

“abah abahhh!! Abah tengah drive ke abah??”

“haah, nak apa? Cakap je lah”

“tak boleh bah, abah drive la dulu, jap lagi orang tepon balik”

“cakap je la cepat, abah nak berenti ni kat masjid. Haa dah berhenti dah ni, cakap cepat”

“abahhh!!! Orang nak pergi sabahhhh!! Boleh tak abah?? Boleh la boleh la”

“ada duit ke?”

“uish, ada!”(confident gila ada banyak duit dalam bank)

“hmm, pergilah..”

Muahahahahaahahahahaha~~~~

Memang rasa macam nak dancing in the rain wehhh masa tuuuuu!!! Sungguh laaaaaaaa~~~~ Tanpa izin abah mustahil aku dapat merasa pengalaman yang berharga gila ni tauu T.T

Nak cerita bahagia tak bahagia , sampai dua ke tiga hari aku jadi hyper sebab nak pergi Sabah. Haha..

Dipendekkan cerita, macam-macam peristiwa yang berlaku sepanjang Jaulah kami di Sabah. Suka memang bnyak gila, tak perlu kut aku cerita dukanya macam mana. Pada aku, kenangan yang dah berlalu, malas pula nak diulang. Paling penting, salah faham semua dah terurai dan semua baik semula. Perkara paling penting aku belajar masa ni, sabar, toleransi, dan maaf.

Kundasang memang paling best, aku tak tipu. Sampai hari ni aku masih tak boleh move on dari Kundasang, rasa macam nak mimpi Kundasang hari-hari. Walaupun aku tak tahan sejuk, tapi aku jadi hangat disebabkan kehadiran sahabat-sahabat penyeri hidupku sepanjang Jaulah tempoh hari (sila bersemut ya, aku tengah sawet ngan hampa semua ni).

Part pergi Pulau Sapi ni memang kena cerita, sebab laut dan pantai ni favourite aku. Tapi memang rugi gila tak bawa baju spare masa tu, patut aku berenang je masa tu, tapi bertabah je aku, Shazz ngan Fam celup kaki sampai baju basah. Hahahaha…

Bila kejadian barbeque yang ada sedikit masalah tu aku memang sikit pun tak stress, bahagia ja sebab aku memang set kepala otak aku, aku nak menikmati keindahan alam. Tapi ada juga orang yang salah faham ngan muka aku ni. Maaf ya, aku kalau tak senyum ja terus orang kata aku stress la marah la, tapi hakikatnya tak pun. Jujur ni, maaf sangat-sangat. Nak cerita ni, kalau aku memang bengang dan tensen, muka aku memang dahshat gila, kalau boleh kening ni nak kasi bertaut. Huhu.. Maaf sangat-sangat nooh..

Haa tak habis lagi kisah pulau ni, aku memang jatuh chenta kat Pulau Sapi ni disebabkan keindahan dia dan boleh kata tak tercemar pun (kecuali oleh manusia-manusia yang kekurangan kain), sampai aku rasa nak ambik course sains akuatik pastu ambil master buat research kat Sabah! Hahaha! Ok melampau sangat dah.

So aku nak pendekkan lagi cerita aku, aku nak bagitau kat kalian semua (especially geng2 Jaulah ke Sabah), aku sangat bersyukur Allah takdirkan aku bermusafir dengan kalian semua. Sungguh aku terharu. Alamak, nak menitis dahhh! Haha.. Walaupun masa singkat, rasa macam pejam celik tiba-tiba dah kat Kolej Seroja balik, aku memang takkan lupa detik2 di Sabah.

Betapa aku terhibur dengan kalian, lama sangat dah tak gelak sampai susah gila nak berhenti, lama dah tak usha keindahan alam dengan ketenangan yang tidak mampu terungkap dengan kata-kata, kenangan dengan kalian, apatah lagi.

Indah sangat peluang yang Allah bagi kepada aku untuk kenal kalian, kenal perangai, tahu kawan ni sakit, alah, mabuk jalan dan sebagainya, belajar macam-macam pengalaman dengan kalian, mengamuk ramai-ramai, gelak ramai-ramai, serba salah pun ramai-ramai,hehe..

Ini bukan kata-kata akhir, tapi penghargaan aku kepada sahabat-sahabat Sabah yang berusaha bertungkus-lumus untuk menjayakan Jaulah ke Sabah ni. Love paling besar aku bagi kat Mesyi dan keluarga, Pakcik Jamal (neneknya Mesyi), Aizatul dan keluarga, Zana dan keluarga serta Ima dan keluarga =). Terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kepada Dzull dan keluarga, dan Amirul Ikmal dan keluarga=)

Seinfiniti kemaafan ku pohon kepada semua yang ikut Jaulah ke Sabah ni. Maaf terguris hati, tercucuk di mana-mana, ketawa terlebih, bergurau terkasar, tapi tu semua tanda aku sayang <3 (haa, lagi sekali aku sawet, sila bersemut).

In shaa Allah ada rezeki ke Sabah lagi kita nanti. Akhir kalam, ku hadiahkan kepada kalian lirik lagu ni, sila nyanyi sendiri.

        

Bila yang tertulis untukmu 

Adalah yang terbaik untukku

Kan ku jadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang telah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah 

p/s: Jom jaulah 2.0 =p 

 gambar sila tengok puas-puas kat blog orang lain ye! terima kasih!